Talk About Cojones....

As I'm getting on the bus this morning, I'm waiting for this guy who is blocking the doorway and is asking the bus driver for a transfer ticket.

As it's raining and not wanting to miss a ferry, I'm thinking "why didn't you get a transfer when you got on?"

Then I hear the bus driver say "NO! you cannot have a transfer ticket. You didn't pay when you got on, I was being nice, but now, man, get off my bus!"

Wow...That Certainly Is Classsssyyyyy....

I'm at the bus stop, on my way to the grocery store (read: in old jeans, t-shirt, no make-up, and hair pulled back sloppily...you know, my normal look--ha!) when a suburban is turning the corner, honks, driver is hanging his head out of the window yelling "damn baby you look fiiiine!"

I look around, no one else nearby.

Great, thanks Mr. I'm-Driving-Around-With-My-Wife/Girlfriend/Baby Momma-And-3-Kids.

Yeah, What Are You Thinking???

So this teenage girl walked into the laundrymat this morning with her 10 & 8ish year old brothers and starts putting randomly putting laundry into the washers. Watching her with his mouth wide open staring, the 10 year brother yells: "What are you thinking?!? You have to separate the laundry first! Urgh...do I have to do everything myself???"

Reindeer, Beware!

At 8:08 tonight, I was walking into the Ferry Terminal, thinking that I was going to catch the 8:30 ferry, however, to my delight the 8:00 ferry was late and thus just boarding.

As I about to reach ferry doors, the guards start to close one of them (there are two). All of a sudden from behind me, a 70-ish year old woman comes running (shuffling) towards the door that is closing. There is a guard standing between her and the closing door, motioning for people (ie the shuffling Grandma) to use the door that is still open (ie the door that I, along with about 20 other people, am using).

Oh, but no. Shuffling Grandma, in a haste to make the ferry does not see/does not notice/is not aware of the motioning guard or the group of people veering towards the other door. Instead she opts to shimmy the gap between the closing door and the guard directing people to the wide-open-not-closing door. Well, in the course of trying to shimmy, she slightly loses her balance, runs into the guard, then bounces back onto the closing door and then twists, trips, and stumbles through the ferry door, which has now closed. She then stands up, straightens her dress, turns to the guard, still completely oblivious to all the people coming in through the still wide-open-not-closing door and says (I kid you not):

Do you fucking mind? I'm trying to catch the ferry!

At which point all the guard could do was shake his head and chuckle at the complete ridiculousness of it all...

I'm Not Judging You Lady, But....

Do you really think it's a good idea to smoke while walking around with your oxygen tank?

Okay, fine...do whatever you want, but could you please NOT walk next to me NOR get on the ferry that I'm about to board? I would hate for your stupidity to cause me to have to swim to Staten Island and fill out a police report.

Thank You, Mr. Obvious!

Overheard in the Hershey's Store in Times Square (father to his son):

I KNOW! It smells just like chocolate!



HELLO GENIUS! WE'RE IN THE HERSHEY STORE! I'm pretty sure it IS chocolate....

The Irony Is, Well, Ironical...

So I went to the Gay Pride Parade with a few friends today. Had a great time, but let me just make the following comments:

1. I find it highly unfair that I was surrounded by many, many, many gorgeous men, all of whom were interested in...checking each other out.

2. To all the women wearing white bras and shorts/pants/skirts: really? you couldn't have at least found a pretty or colorful bra to wear?? maybe a swim suit top, which would have been waaay more appropriate??? I get that you wanted to show lots of skin (whether or not you should) and it was hot, but who told you this was appropriate attire for leaving the house? More importantly, WHY on earth did you listen to them??

EEEEUUUUWWW!

So I'm on the subway and notice something on my shoe. Thinking it's a bit of paper, I went to pull it off, only to discover that it is actually a band-aid, which is now sticking to my hand....which i'm trying to fling off (quite unsuccessfully) while trying not to loudly squeal "eeuuwww! eeeuuuww!!!"

finally managed to get it off my hand, not even caring that it's on the floor (and will probably end up back on my shoe), wondering if I have anything to clean my hands. as i'm rifling through my bag with my non-band-aid attacked hand, I look up to see a lady holding out anti-bacterial gel (with a slightly disgusted-why-did-you-even-touch-it-in-the-first-place look on her face).

ahhh...to my anti-bacterial savior: thank you! thank you! thank you!

Tourists....OBVIOUSLY!

So...living up to my grandmother's (that would be Ome for those of you who know her) nickname: Miss Grace (as in, I'm anything BUT graceful)...

I slipped and fell yesterday on 33rd Street between 7th & 8th (for those of you wondering, yes, right outside of Borders). It was all in slow-mo and for a split second I didn't think I was going down but alas, the foot I was using to balance myself slid onto a manhole lid and just kept sliding.

It was, however, quite graceful in that I slid to the ground, took a knee, and then sat. All without--at least to my knowledge--flashing anyone, because, well, OF COURSE i was in a skirt!

IMMEDIATELY, I was swarmed by about 6 people, all inquiring if I was okay and several offering to help me up....tourists, definitely, tourists.

CURSES!

So I've lost Alfred (my phone)....he fell out of my bag while at dinner with Erica and of course, no one at the restaurant remembers seeing him...

phooey! i just lost a TON of posts I needed to make!!

figures.

and of course, since it's the second phone I've lost in a year, I have to fill out an affidavit in order to process my claim and send me a new (but not red) phone.

double curses!

Talkin' To You Cordless!

YES! I just found out I can send in posts via my phone!!



Wheeee!



You have no idea how exciting this is! I have at least a 1/2 dozen memos on my phone about posts I wanted to make, but can't remember because I only put one or two words (because at the time, I knew I'd NEVER forget).....

You Can Leave Your Socks On....

So I'm having my annual check up...and after playing 58 questions with the doctor--whom I love!--she asks me to "completely disrobe and put on a gown...oh but it's cold in here, I guess you can leave your socks on if you'd like."

uh...thanks!

Speaking Of....

If you can get accepted into an Ivy League University, you should be able to go to the bathroom without peeing on the seat....or at least have the common courtesy to clean up after yourself.

What? You Prefer That Fresh Pee Smell???

So I'm in the brand new subway station walking behind two ladies, one of whom is babbling non-stop about how it is about time they opened the new station, can't imagine how much it cost, look how clean and shiny everything is, etc. etc. Then she stopped looked around and said "Geez, why does it smell like paint in here?!?!?"

Really? REALLY?

Not Just Cool...But Green

The escalators at the brand new subway station are motioned sensored...so when no one is on them for 5-ish minutes, they will stop...only to resume when someone gets on...

definitely cool...and nice not having to run up 3 flights of stairs to catch the ferry...

:)

mmmm...I Love That New Station Smell....

So they've completely redone the subway station at the ferry (very badly needed)....and it is very beautiful (although whether it's worth the $25/month fare hike I'm about to pay for is still debatable) and has that "new" smell, which is a refreshing change to the dank, pee and body odor smell of the old subway station...

I Heart JR

Forget tattoos, nothing says I Love You like getting it painted on one of your 2 1/2 inch-starting-to-curl-because-it's-so-long nail...

Not quite sure who JR is, but I'm quite sure he's a lucky man...

El Heat?

WTF? is up with The Heat's jerseys that say El Heat?

el stupido....

I Don't Care How Cute You Are...

Or how sexy your bedroom eyes are, when the temperature with the wind chill is 2F, it's not sexy or cool to wear designer jeans with holes in them.

Cold maybe, but definitely not cool.

Dumbledore? Is that you?

So I'm sitting in class waiting for it to start, when a classmate tells 3 other classmates in three different instances in a span of 10 minutes "never ask me that, just know I know."

WTF?

I'm All for Being Green....but really?

I was reading in the paper the other day about a lady who bit (yes, bit) a bus driver.

Why you ask?

Because she was waiting for a hybrid bus (NYC is slowly switching all the buses to hybrids) for over an hour and finally gave up and got on this poor guy's bus and started yelling at him about it. He responded that he had no control over which bus they gave him to drive, sometimes it's hybrid and sometimes it's not. When she continued being belligerent, he asked all the passengers to get off and called the police, whereby the lady bit him--so hard that through a jacket a sweater and a shirt, she left marks on his arm...