Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Move Your Issues Off the Road!

I'm sorry, but if it's 7:55 am on a weekday and you're driving down the main road to the Ferry Terminal, here's a tip:

don't drive 5mph. it's rude. almost as rude as slowing down even further to wave at people. if you wanna wave, find a parade. I'm all for being friendly, but not at the expense of missing my ferry, because if the bus driver is honking at you....your driving SUCKS!

Section 17

As was told to me by a coworker:

Immediately following this intercom announcement: "Security, please respond to Section 17. Security, Section 17." A very touristy looking woman ran up to her husband and in a panic gushed "I hope we're not in Section 17!"

I'm pretty sure they left the store not too long after that...

Monday, May 26, 2008

Okay, Stupid Ass...

Don't be sitting on your front steps, clapping your hands, making kissing noises, and saying "oh puppy, puppy" at my dog and then YELL at me when she comes over to you and wants you to pet her.

STUPID ASS what did you think she'd do? normally people will cross the street to avoid her and she thinks that she's about to make a new friend.

here's your sign...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I'm Sorry, The Niceties MUST Be Observed...

So, I'm waiting for the bus with 3 little old ladies and one little old man. It was my intention to let them ALLLLLLL get on before me.

UNTIL, that is, the little old man--and by little I mean the old-grouchy-pushy-grump, who nearly knocked over the little old ladies so that he could get on the bus first, even though he was the LAST person to arrive at the bus stop. Well, he OBVIOUSLY was not raised any better and I don't care if he was 98 (okay, really, he was probably 70ish), i slid in and conviently blocked his entry allowing the little old ladies to get on first...while conviently ignoring his yelling at me. perhaps i should've turned up my hearing aid!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Not As Quickly As I'd Like, But I'll Definitely Take It!

overheard getting off of the ferry yesterday:

Spurs over LA in 7


Monday, May 19, 2008

In Case You Forgot....

14 days 'til TEXAS!!!


That would be Thank God This Fucking Semester Is Over!

yes, i cursed. you'd be cursing to if it happened to you!!

I've Got Mail!

I got a box full of delicious and fun goodies!!! It was the perfect pick-me-up from the week from hell last week...THANKS APRIL the MAGNANIMOUS!!!

Here's A Tip

Here's a tip for taxi drivers in the 5 boroughs for wheedling out more of my hard earned cash for your tip:


and for the first time in my life i did NOT tip the driver. and I yelled back. AND i slammed the car door. (i know, i know--i've committed a plethora of southern sins in a span of 3 minutes)

2. Don't get pissy with me because i just screamed STOP! because your radio is BLARING and you can't hear the directions/address that I just gave you and you first missed the road that directly gets us there, and then missed my house because you couldn't hear me say stop the first 15 times and it's 10pm and we're now headed into the projects, where the police don't even venture after dark. and yes, he did get a small tip, but only because he knows where I live...

apparently Sunday--regardless of the time or borough--was NOT the day to take a taxi! grrr...

Friday, May 9, 2008

An Important Message from the National Peanut Farmers:

What else goes so well with beer AND chocolate?

General Housekeeping Tips

If your window doesn't stay open by itself, you can always use a bleach bottle.

If you're walking around in thongs (flip-flops) and they start rubbing blisters, use a napkin as a barrier between the flops and your feet.

If you're a plumber, you should consider wearing thongs (NOT flip flops), as I saw a girl bend over with her arse hanging out her pants and THANK GOD! she had on a thong, as I was seeing more crack than a Plumbers Convention. It was like a train wreck--you couldn't help but stare, even if you didn't wanna!

Under NO circumstances should you give anyone 8 shots of espresso....

Friday, May 2, 2008


Apparently no longer sells Beluga caviar...

Phooey on them!!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Manna from Heaven

I think that if you find a phone on the bus and you use it to call Brooklyn 47 times, talking for 75 minutes to the SAME number, then you're a FUCKWIT and won't your Momma be proud...

But of course, since it was MY phone and MY minutes and it wasn't ME you were talking too, I'm a bit biased...

Thankfully Sprint in a very un-Sprint-like helpful fashion refunded my minutes (and thankfully it was only Brooklyn and not Timuktu!) and sent a replacement phone (with a $50 deposit of course)...of course, now I have to re-enter all of my contact information, not to mention all the ringers, photos, etc.