Saturday, September 25, 2010

I'm Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

so I'm taking a food handlers course, as required by work and it's online, which is great; however, each module has a predetermined study time limit, so usually I read through every module twice, click on the "take the test button" and am told I have not spent enough time reading the materials.  I then have to wait until it thinks I'm ready to take the test.  NEWS FLASH: i'm not doing any additional studying here.  I'm updating twitter, FB, and watching the football game.

Anyway, I'm currently waiting to take the test for a module named "Personal Hygiene," which I think is fairly straight-forward and with a bit of common sense anyone could probably pass this quiz without reading any of the module...alas, I wait.

While waiting, the last page usually recaps the module and in this case, I feel that it's my public service announcement to issue the following:

At the beginning of each workday, ask yourself the following seven questions:
Did I shower or take a bath before coming to work?
Am I sick with a fever, cold or diarrhea?
Do I have any infected cuts or burns?
Are my nails clean, trimmed and free from nail polish?
Are my apron and clothing clean?
Did I remove my jewelry?
Am I wearing my hat, cap or hairnet?

yep.  not rocket science, and i trust you can use deductive reasoning how to fix each question (ie. take a shower, clip your nails, don't go to work if you have a fever, cold, or diarrhea).  Meanwhile, I have to wait at least 20 more minutes to take the quiz.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

I Sure As Hell Hope That's Not Earwax...

As I'm headed up the escalator at work, I observe two ladies riding down.  One thrusts a q-tip at the other and says "hey, smells this!  I think it smells fabulous!"

Scarily enough, the second woman agreed...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Are There Restaurants or Do They Just Eat In?

I think she was trying to compare omnivores & vegetarians--in fact, I know she was...which makes the following statement--in my opinion--even funnier:

There are just as many cannibals here as omnivores.

Wait?  WHAT?!?!?!?

I'm still chuckling...

That's What You Get When You Buy a GPS Out of a Van on Canal St.

this is an actual phone conversation:

Where are you now?
Whaddya mean Pennsylvania?
You said you were going to Atlantic City.
Aaaand, that's in the middle of Jersey.  Why are you driving back to New York from New Jersey via Pennsylvania?
I don't care.  Just tell me what time you think you might actually arrive.


Friday, September 10, 2010

Unwilling to Comprise Sound Quality for Fashion..

Saw a guy with a great mohawk that stood at least 6-8 inches high...EXCEPT...for an inch in the back.  It was flattened down so that his headphone (think vintage 70s, but with all the bells & whistles of modern day technology) band could snugly fit around his head...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


a subway ad I saw the other day:

Still A Virgin?
Call For Help