Sunday, April 27, 2008

Oh and in case your wondering what an Ivy League education teaches you...

1. Before deep frying tarantula, you MUST torch the hairs on it's legs as they are toxic.
2. The NYC Department of Health closely monitors the sale of diarrheal medications.
3. If, during a seminar of a visiting professor, the fire alarm goes off, the ONLY person in the room--of about 200 people--who asks if we should evacuate is the visiting professor.
4. Sweden is the only country in the world who spends more than 10% of it's GDP on mental health (this was pointed out by visiting professor, just before the fire alarm goes off...coincidence? you decide...)

Did you know....

Blue dresses are the slutty dresses?

Yep. Must be true--heard it on the subway....

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


ha ha ha...'nough said...

Monday, April 21, 2008

Don't mess with....New Hampshire?

License plates with state mottos:

Texas, The Lone Star State
Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Lakes
New York, The Empire State

New Hampshire, Live Free or Die....

um..okay...note to self: be nice to that neighbour!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

A Little Thing Called TMI...

So I'm on the train (yes, I'm ALWAYS on the train)...and this lady starts talking about trying to raise money for HIV+ children whose mother/father/main parental unit is in prison.

Alright fine....she gives the name, address, and web address for the charity organization she's working for--to give a bit more validity to her begging (yes, i have become that jaded, thankyouverymuch)....

then she launches into her life story: she's 50, she has 8 children--all from the same husband, 2 grandchildren. a husband that she had been married to for 26 years. a husband she came home to find in bed with a man. a husband who gave her HIV. a husband whom she tried to kill. "That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I was a resident of Singer for 7 years!" (which also explains the divorce)

needless to say, she had EVERYONE's attention...and even the most hard-core-i've-seen-and-heard-it-all-New-Yorker was shifting a bit uncomfortably in his or her (but especially his) seat.

well, i guess on the positive side, i've met someone who's been to Rikers....and no, i didn't give her a dollar....


I'm heading to the train...and from behind me I hear a lady "can anyone give me two dollars? two--or wait....five dollars? anyone? i'd really, really like five dollars..."

Monday, April 14, 2008

Whadda ya mean....

I can fly round trip right now to St. Maarten for the same price as I can fly ONE way to Austin or San Antonio? That's just wrong! wrong! wrong!

Monday, April 7, 2008

traveling travesties...

Here are things heard/seen en route to class or work:

1. Who the F*** names their kid Gage? Really? Really? Why don't you just pin a sign on him that says "please beat me up, my parents are wankers!" oh you like the name Gage?

ahem...sorry got sucked into tagging the pics of New Years and my trip to MN...

2. Sat with a group of 5th-ish graders who were on their way to the Natural History proudly announced "when I grow up, I don't wanna work." wow. who knew that was an option?!?!?!?

3. So there's this guy on the subway who's talking--looking at the window across from his seat--i thought checking his hair and talking on his bluetooth...but no...turns out he was talking to his reflection in the window--telling it (you'll love this) "i know it was you that got me fired. don't think i don't know. you just need to get me my shit and get me back in or i'll go over your head with the boss down the street." he was gesturing and everything. needless to say, the girl sitting across from him, got up and switched seats--in another car...

4. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEuwwwwwwwwwwwww...this car smells like dead, rotting flesh. no seriously, i'm checking for body parts. EVERYONE got off at the next stop and switched to a different car. it was absolutely disgusting. how no one puked is beyond me. once safely in fresh air, we all just laughed.

5. Saw your doppleganger. CRAZY--red hair and all....she even had your mannerisms. you were 'bout to be in trouble for coming into town without telling me...although the boy you were with was kinda cute...

6. So I'm on the subway going from school to temp job when this punk ass kid across from me throws his GUM on the floor in front of the door. wanker! i'm about to say something when I decided no, I'd just warn the next person that walked through the door to watch out that kid threw his gum on the floor. Alas, no one came through the door...I noticed that punk ass kid is finishing the candy that caused the gum to be spit out in the first place and he's in the process of crumpling up the box (no doubt about to throw it on the floor), so I didn't say a word, shook my head (in a unFUCKingbelievable way) got up, picked up the gum with a napkin and sat back down. Still didn't say a word....but noticed that punk ass kid put his empty candy box in his pocket and I'd like to think that he threw it in the trash...i know, realistically it ended up on the ground somewhere else...but a girl can dream...a girl can dream...

7. Waiting for the ferry, standing in line in front of this mom and her daughter. Mom is laughing, daughter (about 6 or 7) says "Don't laugh at me." Mom says, "I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing because it was funny." To which the daughter replied "uh, no it wasn't!" doh!

8. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about bowling!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Hey Yo!

So I'm grabbing a coffee, adding cream, trying to semi-rush to get to class to get a seat when this PUNK walks up to me and says:

"Hey Yo! Gimme a dollar."

I stop. I look at him--in the face, make eye contact, look him up and down. Said no. Walked off.

Gimme a dollar? Took every ounce of energy to not say "Hey Yo! Kiss My Ass"

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Staten Island!

According to the DoH website (from the seminar I just took) Staten Island had the highest rates of binge drinking and marijuana use of all the boroughs....niiiiice...