ATTENTION TO THE IDIOT AT THE TRAIN STATION:

Wait, let me narrow that down to the idiot blocking the escalators at the train station:

IMHO, I don't feel that in front of the holy-crap-it's-actually-working! escalator during the morning rush hour commute is really the best place to stand and read your free newspaper.

AND, let's just say that you do find this to be acceptable behavior, you really shouldn't yell at people who bump into you or make snarky comments because YOU ARE IN THE FUCKING WAY! and quite frankly, I'm shocked some of these hard ass New Yorkers didn't just "help" you get on the escalator...

big sigh.

that is my public service announcement for the day. you may all go about your business, but if you're at South Ferry, watch out for the idiot blocking the escalators!

Make Up Your Mind

There's nothing better than hearing someone scream at you "THIS IS WHY YOU'RE CLOSING!" because usually it is an incident by where the customer is trying to return/exchange something or access one of many services we used to provide, like public restrooms.

Here is my issue: if "THIS" (being bad customer service) is why we are going out of business, then why on earth are you expecting good customer service in the first place?

i'm just sayin'...

oh, and i'm also just sayin': you're in a bookstore, in theory you should be able to read--the signs, the notices, YOUR RECEIPT all of which say "ALL SALES FINAL. NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES" and yet...you still want to argue and feel justified in pulling the "THIS IS WHY" card.

yes, thankyou.  thankyouverymuch.  perhaps we should have gone with Ann's idea, which was to get a shirt that reads: "I'M the reason Borders is closing"

Doh!

I completely posted that on the wrong blog.  oh well, to tie into NYC, schlepping it to the airport will be fun.  Although--probably also shocking to everyone who knows me--I'm all packed in ONE (that's right, one) suitcase :)

alright...so if you're here, go here instead for updates on our trip.

:)

Ready, Set, TURKEY!

Alright.  In a feat rarely seen before, I'm actually packed and ready to go.  crazy, but true.  of course, for those of you who know me well, you think i jest.

alas...all that's left is to give some lovin' to the very pouty pupcicle.

Places we (April and I) will be visiting are as follows (in no particular order):

Istanbul
Bodrum
Gallipoli
Troy
Ephesus
Kusadasi
Pamukkale
Kos
Tilos
Rhodes
Simi
Datca

I have a feeling that I'm missing a spot or two.  Regardless, lots of beautiful places, bursting with beauty and history.

bon voyage!!

Stop, Drop, and Roll

So I did something I haven't done in a long time...at least while sober.  I fell.

What had happund was: I was running to bus stop because I had the light to cross the street and--for those of you who've never been to my house--navigating the sidewalk is quite a challenge because it's neither smooth nor level nor in one piece.  My shoe caught a lip in the sidewalk and BAM! down I went.  In the morning rush hour, with EVERYONE watching.

I even got a grass stain on my jeans!!

crazy!

Miss Manners

So how does one tell the man standing very close to her (the bus was crowded, he wasn't being freakishly weird), that the stale smoke smell emitting from his body is making one gag?

THANKFULLY, my bus ride is only about 8 minutes...ahhh...I've never been so happy to get to the ferry and breathe the sweet air of freedom!

oh the joys of public transportation...

Pink Velour Jumpsuits...

should NOT be worn by anyone over, let's say, 12 years old.  ESPECIALLY when it looks like you borrowed it from your 12 year old daughter. 


I think I need therapy for my eyes...and my brain, although honestly, I don't think there's anyway to get over trauma like that.

I'm just saying...

(un)Conditional, um, Love?

Still Day 2 after the blizzard: home late, long day, and decide I just wanna get in my jammies and order chinese.  So I call the Chinese place up the road, hoping they didn't close early.  They finally answer (either they're really busy or contemplating whether or not to answer) and when i ask for delivery, the response was "maybe [loooong pause] where?...sigh [another looooong pause] okay, fine. what you want?"

well, you gotta love the honesty.

Yeah, Shut Up...Or Better Yet, Get Off!

Day 2 After Blizzard: Buses are running, albeit verrrrry slowly.  In fact, I missed 2 ferries whilst waiting...but anticipated this (kinda), so I wasn't too fussed.  Finally get on a very packed bus and 2 stops later a young woman got on the bus and starts berating the bus driver about how she's been waiting for nearly 30 minutes.  What's up with that?

She was quite shocked and gobsmacked when the driver, rather than apologizing, said "Only 30 minutes?  You should be thankful because there are people on the bus that had to wait for an hour and thirty minutes!  I'm sure they don't wanna hear you complain about only having to wait 30 minutes!"

Like LAX With A Twist...

Anyone spending a considerable amount of time in LAX will hear overhead announcements that more-or-less (what?  it's been awhile since i've been there, since I try to avoid LAX like the plague...) sound like:

"Attention travelers, the Los Angeles International Airport does not authorize nor support anyone who asks you for money.  You are not obligated to give donations to anyone asking for money."

Meanwhile, here in New York City, I overheard in Penn Station:

"Attention MTA customers, panhandling on trains and platforms is illegal.  Do not support illegal activities.  If you wish to help out the less fortunate, the best way to do so is to give donations to local charities that support them.  Thank you."

Geez, That's Helpful.

Last night on the bus home (which normally takes about 6 or 7 minutes for those of you who've never visited me), the bus, which normally pulls out of the ferry terminal and turns left, made a right turn.

Okay, so any minute the driver is going to make an announcement.

Annnny minute now...

Annnnnnny minute...

Finally, a passenger asked the bus driver where we were going, to which she replied "well, duh, we're taking a detour."

ooookay...

I'm Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

so I'm taking a food handlers course, as required by work and it's online, which is great; however, each module has a predetermined study time limit, so usually I read through every module twice, click on the "take the test button" and am told I have not spent enough time reading the materials.  I then have to wait until it thinks I'm ready to take the test.  NEWS FLASH: i'm not doing any additional studying here.  I'm updating twitter, FB, and watching the football game.

Anyway, I'm currently waiting to take the test for a module named "Personal Hygiene," which I think is fairly straight-forward and with a bit of common sense anyone could probably pass this quiz without reading any of the module...alas, I wait.

While waiting, the last page usually recaps the module and in this case, I feel that it's my public service announcement to issue the following:


At the beginning of each workday, ask yourself the following seven questions:
Did I shower or take a bath before coming to work?
Am I sick with a fever, cold or diarrhea?
Do I have any infected cuts or burns?
Are my nails clean, trimmed and free from nail polish?
Are my apron and clothing clean?
Did I remove my jewelry?
Am I wearing my hat, cap or hairnet?

yep.  not rocket science, and i trust you can use deductive reasoning how to fix each question (ie. take a shower, clip your nails, don't go to work if you have a fever, cold, or diarrhea).  Meanwhile, I have to wait at least 20 more minutes to take the quiz.

waiting...waiting...waiting...

I Sure As Hell Hope That's Not Earwax...

As I'm headed up the escalator at work, I observe two ladies riding down.  One thrusts a q-tip at the other and says "hey, smells this!  I think it smells fabulous!"

Scarily enough, the second woman agreed...

Are There Restaurants or Do They Just Eat In?

I think she was trying to compare omnivores & vegetarians--in fact, I know she was...which makes the following statement--in my opinion--even funnier:

There are just as many cannibals here as omnivores.

Wait?  WHAT?!?!?!?

I'm still chuckling...

That's What You Get When You Buy a GPS Out of a Van on Canal St.

this is an actual phone conversation:

Where are you now?
Whaddya mean Pennsylvania?
You said you were going to Atlantic City.
Aaaand, that's in the middle of Jersey.  Why are you driving back to New York from New Jersey via Pennsylvania?
I don't care.  Just tell me what time you think you might actually arrive.

OOPS.

Unwilling to Comprise Sound Quality for Fashion..

Saw a guy with a great mohawk that stood at least 6-8 inches high...EXCEPT...for an inch in the back.  It was flattened down so that his headphone (think vintage 70s, but with all the bells & whistles of modern day technology) band could snugly fit around his head...

Wait...What?

a subway ad I saw the other day:

Still A Virgin?
Call For Help
1-800.....

No Thanks...I'll Pass...

So there's a deli down the street that I pass at least twice a day on the bus.  The other day traffic was backed up and the bus was stopped in front of the deli long enough for me to read the sign offered CULD CUTS & SANDWICHES.

um...

um...

um...

no thanks?

Um, I Second That Motion...

Overheard on the phone:

"I know it's her party, but don't care what she wants!  We are NOT, lemme repeat NOT, having a baby shower at Golden Corral."

The Problem with Graffiti: No Spell Check.

As seen in the subway (and you can't make this stuff up):

"MTA sucks  /  bunchov crocked theives!"

so many comments.  so little time...and then right next to it:

"black bitchs love white dick"

the best part of this is that someone else felt the need to set the record straight:

"um, no they don't"